Lyrics

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Cock Lite	Tom Cruise
Lyrics By Skipper McGillicutty Oh why did it have to be me? Put on your specs, maybe you’ll see Making love to my lady is like a toothpick stirring gravy [Pre Chorus] God is a funny kind of man Made in his image, we invent Spam Mrs. God must be quite unhappy being poked by a short, short chappy [Chorus] Lack of length, full of desire Penis is hard, I’m on fire My girl, on her back, spread wide Yeah, she’s lucky, an inch inside Is all she will get tonight I won’t fill her up, I’m Cock Lite Watch out when my willy is free Float like a turd, hung like a bee I cough, I sneeze, get the tweezers Find the bell-end, try and please her [Pre Chorus] God is a funny kind of man Made in his image, we invent Spam Mrs. God must be quite unhappy being poked by a short, short chappy [Chorus] Lack of length, full of desire Penis is hard, I’m on fire My girl, on her back, spread wide Yeah, she’s lucky, an inch inside Is all she will get tonight I won’t fill her up, I’m Cock Lite Sugar is sweet and so are Skittles Why did my dick have to be so little? I try, I do, to please my spouse She may as well have married a mouse [Pre Chorus] God is a funny kind of man Made in his image, we invent Spam Mrs. God must be quite unhappy being poked by a short, short chappy [Chorus] Lack of length, full of desire Penis is hard, I’m on fire My girl, on her back, spread wide Yeah, she’s lucky, an inch inside Is all she will get tonight I won’t fill her up, I’m Cock Lite	Lyrics by Skipper McGillicutty Tom Cruise, he lives in Tinsel Town The leading man, he’s got the crown He’s only 5 foot 7, he stopped growing, at 11 His last name is really Mapother Tom can’t spell it, he has dyslexia [Chorus] Thomas Cruise Mapother the Fourth He’s the dude in ‘Minority Report’ Played sports agent Jerry Maguire Lestat, ‘Interview with a Vampire’ Shagged Kelly McGillis in ‘Top Gun’ In ‘Legend’, he saved a unicorn He spent a year in a monastery and thought of being in the clergy After appearing in a few plays realized where his true calling lay Went to New York to begin his quest to be a film star, the very best [Chorus] Thomas Cruise Mapother the Fourth He’s the dude in ‘Minority Report’ Shagged Cameron in ‘Vanilla Sky’ He’s now filming ‘The Last Samurai’ Was with Jack in ‘A Few Good Men’ ‘Colour of Money’ with Newman Thomas Cruise Mapother the Fourth He’s the dude in ‘Minority Report’ Thomas Cruise Mapother the Fourth Big man in Hollywood, although he’s short Thomas Cruise Mapother the Fourth He’s the dude in ‘Minority Report’ Thomas Cruise Mapother the Fourth Big man in Hollywood, although he’s short
Jesus Harry Christ	My Girlfriend, Kevin
Lyrics By Skipper McGillicutty I was heading to work, on the Three Nineteen At the next stop, guy got on, sat next to me He had a big bushy beard, an intense stare He wore a tunic, made out of goat hair The guy turned to me, looked really grim Grabbed my wrist, said, “son, I’m here for your sins” I brushed his hand away, looked him in the eye Said, “listen mate, I’m not that kind of guy” He continued his tale of resurrection his crown of thorns and persecution I remembered Son of Sam, who spoke to dogs How could this dude be the Son of God? “I have come back to show you the light, for I am the one, Jesus H. Christ I was on the cross, nails through my feet and hands I have returned, to save all of man” Its then that I saw the light, flashing red At the intersection, the bus stopped dead The doors opened, three big men got on They had a big white coat, its sleeves too long One big dude said, “come on Harry, time to go Sesame Street is on, your favorite show” Parked next to the bus was the Woodland’s van That’s when I saw the holes in Harry’s hands	Lyrics by Skipper McGillicutty She had a face like an angel with 5 o’ clock shadow I got razor burn on my cock, man, could she swallow An ass so tight, and feet size 11 I shoulda known better when she said her name was Kevin I was down in the West End buying curtains for my mom The sales girl said “wanna come back to my place for some fun?” I looked her up, and I looked her down How was I to know she had 2 X chromosomes? [Bridge] You can’t judge a book by its cover Cause inside might be like warm liver Sandwiched between the shower door and a brick If your girlfriend hasn’t got a pussy, its probably a prick [Chorus] Kevin is not like other girls Cause Kevin is a guy Kevin is not like other girls Cause he has a penis But that’s ok, cause I don’t touch it No, I don’t touch it But he can touch mine For most of February, March, April, May and June I was completely lost without having had some poon I know its no excuse, I can’t say why That when our eyes met, I fell in love with this guy I brought Kevin home one day to meet my old-fashioned mom She said “I don’t understand it, but if he’s the one Then for the two of you I am glad” So is my brother, he’s dating Kevin’s dad [Bridge] You can’t judge a book by its cover Cause inside might be like warm liver Sandwiched between the shower door and a brick If your girlfriend hasn’t got a pussy, its probably a prick [Chorus]
Chug Magnet	Blumpkins
Music &Lyrics by: Skipper McGillicutty I knew him by face but not by name Always at the pub, quarter to six Cheap aftershave and hair so lame Was there for one thing, to pick up chicks He was quite odd and rather unique I had found out an evening gone by When I stood next to him taking a leak draining the piss from my one blind eye Some guys are choosey and perhaps strict with the type of girls they want to meet This fella only thought of his dick being sucked by a lady with no teeth “Teeth” he said, “are just decoration for smiling pretty and chewing food. What I need is some satisfaction from a toothless mouth on my manhood.” [Chorus] Chug, chug, chug, chug a lug a chug How many chugs can the Cobalt hold? Chug, chug, chug, chug a lug a chug We took their land, for whiskey it was sold Chug, chug, chug, chug a lug a chug Limping down Main Street, feather in their hair Chug, chug, chug, chug a lug a chug Tax-free living if you’re called ‘Sitting Bear’ He told me his way, I bought him a beer and thought to myself, “this will be easy” And to the first girl, whispered in her ear “You're pashin it, come back to my tee-pee” [Chorus] Chug, chug, chug, chug a lug a chug Chug, chug, chug, chug a lug a chug Chug, chug, chug, chug a lug a chug Chug, chug, chug, chug a lug a chug (repeat and fade)	Music & Lyrics by: Jughead McAnus A man needs to have his space Somewhere he can sit and think We all need a sacred place where we can take a shit and stink When we need somewhere to go Why do women always knock? The least they could do is start to blow So you get busy and suck my cock Chorus: Gimme A Blumpkin You wanted in, you got it Gimme a Blumpkin Suck me off while I take a shit Blumpkins are the greatest thing Getting sucked while shitting's swell Your head is spinning, eyes sting From my deadly, shitty smell I'm shitting now and so much more Blowing goo into your trap, That's the last time you'll open the door When I'm trying to take a crap Chorus Chorus Outro: Your head in my lap As I take a crap Your head in my lap Gonna end with a splat In the bowl and in your face Now I've put you in your place...
Hairy Brain (Not)	My Favorite Foods
Music and Lyrics by: Skipper McGillicutty The year is 1977 Han and Chewie, ‘Star Wars’ heaven I walked in the kitchen, sleepy eyes Mom was in for quite a surprise Oh shame, oh my, what was I to do Standing there in my Underoos My mom looking at my p.j.’s crotch A sight to see, a bit too much Spidey-senses failed to tell me something was out for all to see Popping out of my warm long johns My 9 year old shrivelled scrotum Mom smiled and pointed, as I ran Dad shouted, “one day you’ll be a man” I sat on my bed, beside the closet By my poster of Farrah Fawcett In the hall, I heard heavy steps A knock on my door, three quick raps The knob turned, door opened wide There was my dad, he walked inside With a move so quick, flick of the wrist There he stood, with an open zip He looked at me, and with a wink Showed me his hairless dink “Don’t you worry son, don’t despair For one day soon, you’ll have some hair But when you’re older, here’s a trick I shave my balls, with a Bic” [outro] Transformers, more than meets the eyes Smurfs are white and blue, small in size Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots pack a punch I paid twenty five cents for a hot dog lunch Lik M Ade was such a cool treat Bottlecaps too, oh so sweet ‘Grizzly Adams’ was on TV Richie, The Fonz, and Mr. C Seventy seven, year on the clock When my mom saw my little bald cock	Music and Lyrics by: Skipper McGillicutty Piece of liver A cheese sliver Microwave low A tin of beans Melted ice cream Blender on slow Crosby Jello Some marshmallows Sesame roll Warm pecan pie Egg lightly fried Some Sweet N Lo [Chorus] These are foods that I fuck Velvety, moist These are foods that I hump Endless choice These are foods that I fuck A la carte These are foods that I shag Just the start These are foods that I fuck Three course meal These are foods that I pound Feels so real Wet Weetabix Snickers and Twix Old banana Penne Pasta Half can Shasta Some sultanas Jet black coffee Sticky toffee On a simmer Watermelon And cantaloupe Sarsparilla [Chorus]